Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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