I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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