It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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