My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is the high leading the old right now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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