the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize