Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
accomplished twins. life is a go
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
