what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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