you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize