new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
