I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
