Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
