I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I want is dick and wine.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
