Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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