1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
