True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
