i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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