I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
