hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
