remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
