That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
