After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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