I got chris browned last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
