You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
