Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
