hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
