Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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