How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
