I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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