he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
