my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
