Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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