Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
