i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
