She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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