I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
