At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
