This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
