you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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