The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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