Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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