I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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