I'm gonna have a badass scar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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