I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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