I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
