Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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