Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize