She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
