Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
