My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
