Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
