im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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