needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
