Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
