Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
