why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
