the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
