that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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