So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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