I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
