The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
