Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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