you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
