Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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