this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
