Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Green mimosas i think yes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
