i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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