Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
